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10．JON
#ch 第十章 琼恩
Jon climbed the steps slowly, trying not to think that this might be the last time ever. Ghost padded silently beside him. Outside, snow swirled through the castle gates, and the yard was all noise and chaos, but inside the thick stone walls it was still warm and quiet. Too quiet for Jon’s liking.
琼恩缓步爬上楼梯，虽然知道这是他最后一次爬这楼梯了，却又尽力抛开这些念头。白灵无声地跟在身边，外面正下着雪，雪花飞进城门。广场上人声喧嚣，熙来攘往，但在厚重的石墙内，仍旧温暖而静谧，宁静得琼恩有些受不了。
He reached the landing and stood for a long moment, afraid. Ghost nuzzled at his hand. He took courage from that. He straightened, and entered the room.
他抵达门外，独自伫立了很长时间，心中满怀恐惧。白灵用鼻子磨蹭他的手，他借此找到勇气，于是挺起胸膛，走进房内。
Lady Stark was there beside his bed. She had been there, day and night, for close on a fortnight. Not for a moment had she left Bran’s side. She had her meals brought to her there, and chamber pots as well, and a small hard bed to sleep on, though it was said she had scarcely slept at all. She fed him herself, the honey and water and herb mixture that sustained life. Not once did she leave the room. So Jon had stayed away.
史塔克夫人坐在床边。最近两个星期以来，她几乎日日夜夜寸步不离地守着布兰。她差人把餐点送到房里，以及便壶，和一张小硬板床，但人们都说她根本没阖过眼。她亲自用蜂蜜、开水和草药混合的饮料喂养布兰。她不曾离开房间，因此琼恩始终避得远远的。
But now there was no more time.
但他已经不能再等下去了。
He stood in the door for a moment, afraid to speak, afraid to come closer. The window was open. Below, a wolf howled. Ghost heard and lifted his head.
他在门廊里站了好一阵子，不敢作声，也不敢靠近。窗户敞得大开，楼下传来孤狼长嚎之声，白灵听见便抬起了头。
Lady Stark looked over. For a moment she did not seem to recognize him. Finally she blinked. "What are you doing here?" she asked in a voice strangely flat and emotionless.
史塔克夫人转过头来，起初并没认出他，许久之后她才眨眼问：“你在这里做什么？”语调平板，格外地了无生气。
"I came to see Bran," Jon said. "To say good-bye."
“我来探望布兰，”琼恩回答，“来向他道别。”
Her face did not change. Her long auburn hair was dull and tangled. She looked as though she had aged twenty years. "You’ve said it. Now go away."
她依旧面无表情，原本蓬厚的褐红色长发垂头丧气地纠缠乱成一团，看上去仿佛一夕之间老了二十岁。“你已经达到了目的，走吧。”
Part of him wanted only to flee, but he knew that if he did he might never see Bran again. He took a nervous step into the room. "Please," he said.
他恨不得拔腿就跑，但他很清楚自己这辈子很可能再也见不着布兰了，于是他反而不安地朝屋里跨了一步：“求求你让我见他一面吧。”
Something cold moved in her eyes. "I told you to leave," she said. "We don’t want you here."
她眼里闪过一道寒光。“我叫你走开，”她冷冷地说，“我们不欢迎你。”
Once that would have sent him running. Once that might even have made him cry. Now it only made him angry. He would be a Sworn Brother of the Night’s Watch soon, and face worse dangers than Catelyn Tully Stark. "He’s my brother," he said.
若是从前，她这席话准会把他吓得没命奔逃，羞得泪流满面，但是现在，却只让他怒火中烧。他即将宣誓加入守夜人的黑衣军团，届时他将面对比凯特琳•徒利•史塔克更骇人的危险。 “好歹我是他哥哥。”他说。
"Shall I call the guards?"
“你要我叫警卫吗？”
"Call them," Jon said, defiant. "You can’t stop me from seeing him." He crossed the room, keeping the bed between them, and looked down on Bran where he lay.
“你尽管叫，”琼恩愤愤地道，“但你阻止不了我见他一面的。”说完他穿过房间，走到病床的另一边，低头看着布兰。
She was holding one of his hands. It looked like a claw. This was not the Bran he remembered. The flesh had all gone from him. His skin stretched tight over bones like sticks. Under the blanket, his legs bent in ways that made Jon sick. His eyes were sunken deep into black pits; open, but they saw nothing. The fall had shrunken him somehow. He looked half a leaf, as if the first strong wind would carry him off to his grave.
她正握着布兰的一只手，可那只手看起来不像手，倒像爪子。眼前的病人已非琼恩记忆中那个布兰，他形容枯槁，骨瘦如柴，两脚在毛毯下蜷曲成令人作呕的形状。他的双眼深陷，活像两个黑色的窟窿，张开着，却仿若茫然。他看起来正如一片弱不经风的孤叶，一阵劲风便足以将他吹动飘散。
Yet under the frail cage of those shattered ribs, his chest rose and fell with each shallow breath.
但是在那身支离破碎的骨架下，他的胸膛正随着轻浅急促的呼吸韵律有致地起伏。
"Bran," he said, "I’m sorry I didn’t come before. I was afraid." He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks. Jon no longer cared. "Don’t die, Bran. Please. We’re all waiting for you to wake up. Me and Robb and the girls, everyone?.?.?.?"
“布兰，”他说，“原谅我到现在才来看你，因为我好怕。”他只觉得泪水流下脸颊，但他再也不在乎了。“布兰，求求你不要死，我和罗柏、还有妹妹她们，大家都在等你醒来……”
Lady Stark was watching. She had not raised a cry. Jon took that for acceptance. Outside the window, the direwolf howled again. The wolf that Bran had not had time to name.
史塔克夫人在一旁冷眼旁观，琼恩见她没有传唤守卫，猜想她应是默许了。窗外又传来冰原狼的悲吼，布兰一直没为那只小狼找到适当的名字。
"I have to go now," Jon said. "Uncle Benjen is waiting. I’m to go north to the Wall. We have to leave today, before the snows come." He remembered how excited Bran had been at the prospect of the journey. It was more than he could bear, the thought of leaving him behind like this. Jon brushed away his tears, leaned over, and kissed his brother lightly on the lips.
“我得走了。”琼恩道，“班扬叔叔还在等呢，我们即刻启程前往北方。趁大雪还没降下，我们得赶紧动身。”他还记得布兰是多么迫不及待要出门远行，想到要把伤成这样的弟弟抛在这里，他更伤心欲绝。琼恩擦去眼泪，凑过去俯身轻吻弟弟的双唇。
"I wanted him to stay here with me," Lady Stark said softly.
“我只是希望他能留下来跟我作伴。”史塔克夫人轻声道。
Jon watched her, wary. She was not even looking at him. She was talking to him, but for a part of her, it was as though he were not even in the room.
琼恩满怀戒心地看着她，却发现她的视线根本不在他身上，她看似在对他说话，实际心不在焉，仿佛旁若无人。
"I prayed for it," she said dully. "He was my special boy. I went to the sept and prayed seven times to the seven faces of god that Ned would change his mind and leave him here with me. Sometimes prayers are answered."
“我日夜祈祷，”她呆滞地说，“他是我的心肝宝贝。我在圣堂对着诸神的七面祈祷了七次，祈祷奈德会回心转意，让布兰留下来陪我。也许是诸神实现了我的愿望。”
Jon did not know what to say. "It wasn’t your fault," he managed after an awkward silence.
琼恩不知该说什么才好。“不是你的错。”一阵局促的沉默后，他勉强说了一句。
Her eyes found him. They were full of poison. "I need none of your absolution, bastard."
她的视线找到了他，眼神充满怨毒。“用不着你这没娘的野种可怜我。”
Jon lowered his eyes. She was cradling one of Bran’s hands. He took the other, squeezed it. Fingers like the bones of birds. "Good-bye," he said.
琼恩垂下眼，她正托抚着布兰的一只手，他牵起另一只，握在手中，只觉孱弱得像小鸟的骨头。“别了。”他说。
He was at the door when she called out to him. "Jon," she said. He should have kept going, but she had never called him by his name before. He turned to find her looking at his face, as if she were seeing it for the first time.
当他走到门边时，她开口唤他。“琼恩，”她说。他实在就应该这么继续走下去，但她从没有用他的名字称呼过他。于是他转过身，发现她正盯着他的脸，仿佛这辈子第一次见到。
"Yes?" he said.
“什么？”他问。
"It should have been you," she told him. Then she turned back to Bran and began to weep, her whole body shaking with the sobs. Jon had never seen her cry before.
“今天躺在这里的应该是你才对。”她告诉他。说完她转身朝向布兰，痛哭流涕，全身上下都随之而猛烈抽搐。琼恩以前从没见她掉下一滴眼泪。
It was a long walk down to the yard.
回到楼下广场的路，好漫长。
Outside, everything was noise and confusion. Wagons were being loaded, men were shouting, horses were being harnessed and saddled and led from the stables. A light snow had begun to fall, and everyone was in an uproar to be off.
外面到处都是车马喧嚣，乱成一团。人们高声呼喝，将货物运上车辆，为马匹套上缰绳马镫，然后牵进马厩。空中飘起细雪，每个人都急着早些处理完手边的事务，才好躲进屋中。
Robb was in the middle of it, shouting commands with the best of them. He seemed to have grown of late, as if Bran’s fall and his mother’s collapse had somehow made him stronger. Grey Wind was at his side.
罗柏置身旋涡中心，镇定自若地发号施令。这些日子以来，他似乎突然成熟了许多，似乎布兰的意外和母亲濒临崩溃逼使他不得不坚强起来。灰风随侍在他身旁。
"Uncle Benjen is looking for you," he told Jon. "He wanted to be gone an hour ago."
“班扬叔叔在找你，”他对琼恩说，“他本来一小时前就打算动身了。”
"I know," Jon said. "Soon." He looked around at all the noise and confusion. "Leaving is harder than I thought."
“我知道，”琼恩答道，“我马上就去。”他环顾身边周遭的人马杂沓，众声喧哗。“没想到离别这么难。”
"For me too," Robb said. He had snow in his hair, melting from the heat of his body. "Did you see him?"
“可不是么。”罗柏说。沾落他发际的雪花，正因体温而逐渐融化。“见过他了吗？”
Jon nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
琼恩点点头，不敢开口，不知道自己会说出什么话。
"He’s not going to die," Robb said. "I know it."
“他不会死。”罗柏道，“我知道他不会死。”
"You Starks are hard to kill," Jon agreed. His voice was flat and tired. The visit had taken all the strength from him.
“你们史塔克的命的确很硬。”琼恩同意。他的声音有气无力，刚才的事情已经抽干了他每一分力气。
Robb knew something was wrong. "My mother?.?.?.?"
罗柏立刻察觉事有蹓跷。“我母亲她……”
"She was?.?.?.?very kind," Jon told him.
“她……待我很亲切。”琼恩告诉他。
Robb looked relieved. "Good." He smiled. "The next time I see you, you’ll be all in black."
罗柏松了一口气。“那就好，”他咧嘴笑道，“下次我们碰面，你就全身黑衣黑甲了。”
Jon forced himself to smile back. "It was always my color. How long do you think it will be?"
琼恩挤出一丝笑容：“黑色本来就很配我。依你看，咱们要多久才能再见面呢？”
"Soon enough," Robb promised. He pulled Jon to him and embraced him fiercely. "Farewell, Snow."
“不会太久。”罗柏保证。他把琼恩拉过来，用力紧紧地抱住他。“雪诺，多保重。”
Jon hugged him back. "And you, Stark. Take care of Bran."
琼恩也激动地紧搂着对方：“史塔克，你也一样，好好照顾布兰。”
"I will." They broke apart and looked at each other awkwardly. "Uncle Benjen said to send you to the stables if I saw you," Robb finally said.
“我会的。”两人松开对方，有些尴尬地对看一眼。“班扬叔叔说若我看到你，叫你到马厩去找他。”最后罗柏开口道。
"I have one more farewell to make," Jon told him.
“我还得跟一个人说再见。”琼恩告诉他。
"Then I haven’t seen you," Robb replied. Jon left him standing there in the snow, surrounded by wagons and wolves and horses. It was a short walk to the armory. He picked up his package and took the covered bridge across to the Keep.
“那我就没见你啰。”罗柏答道。琼恩转身离去，留罗柏独自站在雪地，被马车、小狼和马匹所包围。广场离武器库不远，琼恩拿起他的包裹，取道密闭桥梁，往主堡去了。
Arya was in her room, packing a polished ironwood chest that was bigger than she was. Nymeria was helping. Arya would only have to point, and the wolf would bound across the room, snatch up some wisp of silk in her jaws, and fetch it back. But when she smelled Ghost, she sat down on her haunches and yelped at them.
艾莉亚正在她房里收拾行李，把东西装进一个比她还高的磨亮硬木箱子。娜梅莉亚在旁帮忙，艾莉亚只消指指点点，小狼便会跑过房间，衔起她要的丝臸衣料，然后乖乖地叼给小主人，她一闻到白灵的味道，便后脚着地坐了下来，发出亲昵的低吠。
Arya glanced behind her, saw Jon, and jumped to her feet. She threw her skinny arms tight around his neck. "I was afraid you were gone," she said, her breath catching in her throat. "They wouldn’t let me out to say good-bye."
艾莉亚朝身后瞟了一眼，瞧见是琼恩，便开心地跳了起来。她伸出那双瘦削的臂膀紧紧搂住他的脖子。“我好怕你已经走了，”她上气不接下气地说，“他们不准我下去说再见。”
"What did you do now?" Jon was amused.
“你又闯了什么祸啦？”琼恩饶富兴味地问。
Arya disentangled herself from him and made a face. "Nothing. I was all packed and everything." She gestured at the huge chest, no more than a third full, and at the clothes that were scattered all over the room. "Septa Mordane says I have to do it all over. My things weren’t properly folded, she says. A proper southron lady doesn’t just throw her clothes inside her chest like old rags, she says."
艾莉亚放开他，然后扮了个鬼脸说：“没什么，本来我的东西都收拾好了，”她指着那个还没装到三分之一的巨大箱子，以及散了一地的衣物，“茉丹修女却说我没把衣服摺得漂漂亮亮的，所以得重新来过。她还说规矩的南方小姐绝不会把衣服像破布似的一股脑儿通通扔进箱子里。”
"Is that what you did, little sister?"
“小妹呀，你把衣服像破布一样扔进箱子？”
"Well, they’re going to get all messed up anyway," she said. "Who cares how they’re folded?"
“哎哟，反正这些衣服迟早也要乱成一团嘛，”她说，“谁管它有没有摺好？”
"Septa Mordane," Jon told her. "I don’t think she’d like Nymeria helping, either." The she-wolf regarded him silently with her dark golden eyes. "It’s just as well. I have something for you to take with you, and it has to be packed very carefully."
“茉丹修女会啰。”琼恩告诉她，“而且我想她一定不喜欢娜梅莉亚这样帮忙的。”小母狼静静地用她那对深沉的金眸子打量他。“不管了，我有样东西要让你带上，而且这东西必须很妥善地藏好。”
Her face lit up. "A present?"
她的脸庞顿时焕发光芒。“是给我的礼物？”
"You could call it that. Close the door."
“可以算是。去把门关起来。”
Wary but excited, Arya checked the hall. "Nymeria, here. Guard." She left the wolf out there to warn of intruders and closed the door. By then Jon had pulled off the rags he’d wrapped it in. He held it out to her.
艾莉亚既兴奋又紧张地看看门外的回廊。“娜梅莉亚，守在这儿。”她把小狼留在门外，负责发出警讯，然后关上房门。这时琼恩已把破布包裹解开，把东西交给她。
Arya’s eyes went wide. Dark eyes, like his. "A sword," she said in a small, hushed breath.
她睁大双眼。和他的眼睛一样，那是双颜色沉暗的眸子。“是一把剑！”她用细小的声音说，呼吸急促起来。
The scabbard was soft grey leather, supple as sin. Jon drew out the blade slowly, so she could see the deep blue sheen of the steel. "This is no toy," he told her. "Be careful you don’t cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with."
剑鞘是用柔软的灰皮革做成，琼恩缓缓抽出剑，好让她仔细瞧瞧剑身泛着的深蓝色金属光泽。“这可不是玩具，”他告诉她，“小心不要伤到自己，这把剑很利，利到可以用来刮胡子。”
"Girls don’t shave," Arya said.
“女生又不用刮胡子。”艾莉亚说。
"Maybe they should. Have you ever seen the septa’s legs?"
“也许女生该刮一刮。你看过修女的腿吗？”
She giggled at him. "It’s so skinny."
她朝他咯咯直笑。“看过，你好坏哟。”
"So are you," Jon told her. "I had Mikken make this special. The bravos use swords like this in Pentos and Myr and the other Free Cities. It won’t hack a man’s head off, but it can poke him full of holes if you’re fast enough."
“你不也一样？”琼恩说，“我请密肯特别打造了这把剑，潘托斯、密尔和其他自由贸易城邦的刺客用的就是这种剑。它虽然无法砍人头颅，但只要你动作够快，却可以轻易地将敌人刺得千疮百孔。”
"I can be fast," Arya said.
“我动作很快呢。”艾利亚道。
"You’ll have to work at it every day." He put the sword in her hands, showed her how to hold it, and stepped back. "How does it feel? Do you like the balance?"
“你以后要天天练习，”他把剑放进她的掌心，指导她握法，然后退开一步。“感觉如何，还顺手吗？”
"I think so," Arya said.
“我觉得蛮不错。”艾莉亚回答。
"First lesson," Jon said. "Stick them with the pointy end."
“第一课，”琼恩正色道，“用尖的那端去刺敌人。”
Arya gave him a whap on the arm with the flat of her blade. The blow stung, but Jon found himself grinning like an idiot. "I know which end to use," Arya said. A doubtful look crossed her face. "Septa Mordane will take it away from me."
艾莉亚用钝的一端在他手上砰地敲了一下，虽然很痛，琼恩却不由自主地像个傻子般嘻嘻直笑。“我知道该用那一边刺人啦。”艾莉亚说，随即脸上蒙了一层疑惑，“茉丹修女一定会把剑拿走的。”
"Not if she doesn’t know you have it," Jon said.
“假如她不知道你有这把剑，就不会把它拿走了。”
"Who will I practice with?"
“那我跟谁练习呢？”
"You’ll find someone," Jon promised her. "King’s Landing is a true city, a thousand times the size of Winterfell. Until you find a partner, watch how they fight in the yard. Run, and ride, make yourself strong. And whatever you do?.?.?.?"
“你会找到对手的。”琼恩向她保证，“君临是座名副其实的大城，足足有临冬城的一千倍大。在你还没找到练习伙伴之前，仔细观察校场里其他人怎么打斗。多跑步，多骑马，把身体养壮。还有，无论如何……”
Arya knew what was coming next. They said it together.
艾莉亚知道他接下来要说些，于是两人异口同声道：
"?.?.?.?don’t?.?.?.?tell?.?.?.? Sansa!"
“……绝对……不要……告诉……珊莎！”
Jon messed up her hair. "I will miss you, little sister."
琼恩揉揉她的头发：“小妹，我会想念你的。”
Suddenly she looked like she was going to cry. "I wish you were coming with us."
突然间她的样子像要哭。“我真希望你和我们一起走。”
"Different roads sometimes lead to the same castle. Who knows?" He was feeling better now. He was not going to let himself be sad. "I better go. I’ll spend my first year on the Wall emptying chamber pots if I keep Uncle Ben waiting any longer."
“殊途不见得不能同归，谁知道将来怎么样呢？”他心情渐渐开朗，决定不再沮丧下去。“我该走了。我再这样让班扬叔叔等下去，恐怕在长城的第一年就得天天清理大小便了。”
Arya ran to him for a last hug. "Put down the sword first," Jon warned her, laughing. She set it aside almost shyly and showered him with kisses.
艾莉亚奔向他，做最后一次拥抱。“先把剑放下。”他笑着警告她。她红着脸把剑丢在一旁，然后拼命吻他。
When he turned back at the door, she was holding it again, trying it for balance. "I almost forgot," he told her. "All the best swords have names."
他转身朝门口走去时，她已经又拾起剑，试探着挥舞。“我差点忘了，”他对她说，“大凡好剑都有自己的名讳。”
"Like Ice," she said. She looked at the blade in her hand. "Does this have a name? Oh, tell me."
“像是‘寒冰’？”她看着手中剑，“这把剑也有名字吗？哇，快告诉我嘛。”
"Can’t you guess?" Jon teased. "Your very favorite thing."
“你难道猜不出来？”琼恩揶揄，“就是你最心爱的东西呀。”
Arya seemed puzzled at first. Then it came to her. She was that quick. They said it together:
艾莉亚乍听之下满头雾水，但随即恍然大悟，她的反应就是这么迅捷。于是两人再度异口同声道：
"Needle!"
“缝衣针！”
The memory of her laughter warmed him on the long ride north.
记忆中她的笑声，在后来北行的漫长路上，始终温暖着他的心房。